Category: Social Development

Time Alone heals no wounds!


Time alone doesn’t heal any wound! It takes active participation in things that bring positivity(a mood/space beyond the hurt) & an appreciation of those ‘activities’ as what they are and what they are worth to you as a person who needs healing. Let’s take an example that you lose your job or leave a horrendous job;sitting at home doing nothing won’t get you a job or provide for your family. On the other hand if you seek another job you not guaranteed that you will get a permant job there and there. So rather that waiting, you seek out and let’s say you find a temporary job. Appreciate that reprieve make the most of it and let it lift you up and take care of you till you get back into a job that’s ‘truely’ yours or tick all you job need boxes.

This temporary job sometimes won’t be all rosy. It will frasturate you but  try to appreciate it. If time passes and  you assume  that it means all is  healed without actively participating in this ‘positivity’ you will find that you start to pine and wish for your old job. That old job will start to look not so horrendous, all the bad negativity ,no appreciation,in professionalism, downright abuse will seem like not so bad prospects ; you start to see it as more appealing than this drub of a temporary job. The mistake  you made (mistakes happen to everyone so in a horrendous job don’t assume its less horrendous because you had a fair share of those) start to be more prominent than the horror of the job. One day something happens at your temporary job (its worth noting that even the  best jobs or temporary in between jobs something horrendous does happen, don’t take it to mean that good jobs are horrendous especially if they temporary) . This is the time to be careful and take note that time alone is not a healer and that if you take this ‘old approach’ you risk not healing at all but falling either back into old  danger (which I feel is the  worst) or new danger. Please note that I did not qualify the second danger, its because I feel that if you have to take any danger in your life ,new danger is more fun & better than old danger. (Danger=Risk). So in the  vein of being careful that time alone is not a healer are three things which happens that people need to be watchful of:

1. Nostalgia-by definition is sentimental longing or wistful longing for a period in in the past. 

It then follows that in the example of the  horrendous job nostalgia will have you papering the  cracks of why you left. It will over-amplify the good parts and rays of Sunshine’s. It will hide the fundamental flaws & horrors , it will convince you that instead of that being at your worst it was actually your best and you are better of there than in your temporary job or finding a new danger!

2. Revisionism- this simply put is revising your  feelings ,attitude,dreams, vision or even hurt to suit the wound you thought time alone can heal. Suddenly your horrendous old job doesn’t look so bad. You end up blaming yourself for not trying too hard enough. You end up second guessing that every decision you made was wrong and you should have sucked it made better of that situation. Unfortunately this second guessing will even affect your decision in the present job. Any bad that happens will have ripples that would affect and infect and wash away all the benefits of the present job.

3. Resentment- this is damaging really . Nostalgia without acceptance and forgive of what the ‘old job’ was doesn’t help at all, its breeds resentment which will cloud and shade what needs to be done. You are in a job work it till its done,let it pay the bills ,buy you food or whatever! Don’t resent it or discard it until you have a better job or until you are ready to jump into ‘new danger’
Its been  a long one and a bit complicated but the point remains time alone  does not heal any wound on any form of human relations and you can substitute the example of a job with any of those including the recent political changes in our beloved country. Iwe neni tine basa. Asante sana! Thank you!

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The case of human need

The human as a creature or creation of socialisation thrives on need and want…the more they are needed or wanted by their soceity or relations the more they strive to reach the pinnacle of achievement. In the myth of nationhood they exhibit the greatest patriotism… in companies they show you the meaning of professionalism and dedication… in human relations they love,forgive and care more!
Those that express need or want of others solicit a powerful binding contract on those they show it to. Words like honour,loyalty and commitment start to govern the action of the other. I will illustrate this concept  by way of illustration below:

1. A child is a bundle of need and want in its parent’s eyes. From conception to about age 20 there is the extremest exhibition of need n want. This need and want inturn solicit the biggest and most water tight contract between humans. That parents  love will be eternal even in the face so much disappointments.

2. Have you ever seen a dsyfunctional love relationship. The most amazing woman/man can be stuck with the most unreasonable partner. When you try to show them what a terrible bog they stuck in, after you have chipped away whatever is holding them is it not strange that their last stronghold is almost always “…my partner needs me!”

Its funny how this concept of need and want pans out !
Lastly my favourite flower is the flame lily. Its a beautiful flower that is plentiful in the hills of home…each rainy season it would array the countryside with beauty. I would imagine from germination how the sun would cox it into growth.’I need you to grow tall and strong…i need you to open your bud and bloom to me’ the sun would whispher. The flame lily needs/wants the sun  and would tenderly obey…it grows … it buds then gloriously it opens itself up to the sun. Its core and innermost beauty would be exposed. The sun would ravenously devour the beauty…us the headboys with our parents cows would wonder and sometimes pick it up and throw it to die. In a couple days the sun would have extracted every ounce of juice from the flower and it would die a sad pitiful sight! 

I would want to imagine thats how one sided needy relations are!